I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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