I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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