I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
