I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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