We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
