She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize