Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
