Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
