I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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