Life is so much better after having sex.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
