Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize