mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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