Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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