I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
