He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize