Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
