Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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