Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
