It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
