I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
