I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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