I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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