I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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