You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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