My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize