i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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