I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
