Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
