Yo dont text me then not text me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize