i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
