I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
