ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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