Just took my morning after pill in the library
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
