upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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