I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
