Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
