So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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