This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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