we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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