I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
