I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am puke
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize