im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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