I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
