pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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