the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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