; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
