he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
PANTIES FOUND
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
