i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Your cock deserves a montage
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
