you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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