i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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