how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
