i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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