Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my shit smells like andre
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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