i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
