She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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