i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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