we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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