drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
