I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
