allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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