am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
