Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
