Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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