I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
