dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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