Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
