I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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