Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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