Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
