i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
