I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
