I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
