Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
