how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
