I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
