i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
